Nervous Enough?

I'm nervous about having enough time for everything once the baby comes. Everything including fixing meals and doing laundry and building castles and doing puzzles and learning the sounds of the alphabet and making art projects and baking muffins and cleaning the bathroom and... well, all you parents out there know that the list goes on and on. I'm nervous about taking all 3 kids to the grocery store. I'm nervous about how long it's going to take me to get all the kids in the car to get to the store. I'm nervous about the logistics of managing a family of 5.

But I'm not, at least so far, nervous about the delivery. The breastfeeding. The sleepless nights. The crying and the gas bubbles and the spit up. Thinking about all that doesn't bring up the same anxiety that I feel when I think about trying to hold (or feed or burp or calm) the new baby while Lola and Jackson are crying about their macaroni not being ready yet.

I was so worried about those things the first time around. Am I not so concerned with the difficulties of having a new baby because I've done it all once (ummm, twice?) and feel confident that I can handle it? Or have I forgotten how hard it really it all is?

At this point, with 2 months to go, I'm more nervous about handling the 3 year olds than I am the new baby. Well earned confidence of an experienced mother? Or denial that is destined to lead to shock and misery?

Stay tuned.

Joy #13

25 weeks

I was at 25 weeks along with Lola and Jackson when the alarm was sounded. Things weren't exactly hiccup-free up until that point (chicken pox, placenta previa, and well, simply the fact that I was pregnant with twins), but it wasn't until 25 weeks that the poop really hit the fan, as a PG-rated mother of twins would say :)

Yep, I was 25 weeks along and enjoying a snowy Christmas vacation in Colorado. It was those darn contractions that forced me to go to the hospital, that darn progressing cervix that got the nurse's attention, and that gosh darn positive fetal fibronectin test that got the doctor in my room telling me to stay calm while nurses started IV drips. Watching a nervous nurse is about as calming as seeing a nervous flight attendant. Stay calm... sure, right.

Well, 25 week came and has now gone. Last week I had a fetal fibronectin test to celebrate. No alarms sounded. The nurses paid hardly any attention at all. And no one told me to stay calm while all of their body language indicated I should do otherwise.  Fantastic.

For those unfamiliar with the test, a positive result indicates that your body has released the hormones necessary to begin the labor, meaning that delivery within a 2 week period is expected. A negative result indicates that your body has not released these hormones and so natural labor is not expected within 2 weeks. I'll be taking a test every 2 weeks until... well, I guess until it's time for baby girl #2 to make her appearance.

So I say good-bye to week 25. I might have even made a vulgar hand gesture at that date on my calender.  It was almost as gratifying as I imagine it will be when I do the same to week 33!

So much for deadlines.

Despite the New Year deadline having come and gone, the Joys keep coming :)

Joy #9 Finding out we're having a GIRL! We're currently discussing names. Not even a short list has been agreed upon yet.

Joy #10 Aaron having the entire weekend off this coming weekend! It's a post-Christmas miracle.

Joy #11 Jackson having major success at swim lessons today. He swam 5 ft today with his face underwater looking at the bottom of the pool! Yay for Jack!!!

Joy #12 Feeling lots of little baby kicks!

More Joy

Joy #4 Lemon ice after lunch and after dinner, twice in the same day

Joy #5 Jackson FINALLY taking a nap after 4 days of no-naps

Joy #6 Lola sat on a block yesterday and said, "Ouch! Mom, I hurt my penis." I responded, "You don't have a penis honey. What hurts?" "Mom, I DO have a penis. I have a boo boo on it." Now if you can't laugh at your 2 year old daughter insisting that her penis hurts you really are missing the Joy.

Joy #7 Feeling little tiny baby kicks

Joy #8 Helping set up for the school Christmas party and thinking that Lola and Jackson are going to have SO MUCH FUN! Can't wait to get some pics!

Joy #3, taking Jackson and Super Lola (complete with cape) to play in the park

Finding Joy

We've got a lot going on in the Freedman house right now. We're in the painstaking and financially draining process of selling our house and buying a bigger one, a move we hadn't really intended to make. Happily,  the move has become necessary in order to make room for our newest addition; baby Freedman #3 will be coming in May. The discovery that we'll be becoming a family of five is very exciting but also nerve wracking and stressful, forcing us to re-consider some of the decisions we had taken for granted when we though it would just be the four of us. And we're going though all this buying and selling, packing and moving, questioning and re-considering during the holidays, which carry with them their own busyness and stress and financial strain. December is Aaron's busiest month at the restaurant and 12-14 hour work days become the norm rather than the exception. Add to all this the everyday issues that come up when parenting a couple of rambunctious 2 year olds and it can be difficult to look within and find the Joy in the holidays.

I was just reading a blog article titled "An Experiment in Joy." The author, in an attempt to rebound from a particularly difficult time, is challenging herself to document through pictures and words 100 instances of Joy in her life during the month of December. She has invited her readers to participate. While I don't posses that kind of blogging disciple, as several of you have gently pointed out, I really love the idea. So I'm going to try and document my own moments of Joy.

And in the process I hope to remind myself 1) where the true Joy in my life comes from 2) how easy it can be to put aside the stress and worry and find the Joy in the present  moment 3) that laughter is free. And contagious. 4) and that time passes whether I'm paying attention or not. If I don't SLOW DOWN I will miss moments of Joy, and so might Aaron. And so might Lola and Jackson. And no amount of stress and worry and questioning and re-considering is really worth sacrificing my Joy and the Joy of my family.

So, if I try to document my moments of Joy can I get to 100 between now and December 31st? Well, I have no doubt I will experience 100 moments of Joy in the next 2 weeks. But 100 moments documented.... that's quite an undertaking for me.

But I just downloaded and am listening to a new Jack Johnson album (Joy #1) and will now find the Joy in searching through some recent pictures to post. I will smile as I remember the moments they were taken. And I will imagine the ones I'll be taking in the next couple off weeks. (Joy #2)

Only 98 Joys to go...