Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Learning from experience

I've now spent weeks depending on friends and family for, well, pretty much everything. And as I sit here in my room while our fantastic babysitter Metra colors with the kids at the kitchen table, I'm reflecting on the positive things that have come out of this experience.

Going through difficult times reminds me that our family is strong. Aaron and I make it through hardships without harsh words and bitterness. We grab hands, give each other a supportive look and lean into the rain, knowing the storm will pass and we'll still be connected when the sun come out. Knowing this gives me confidence that our family, first the 2 of us, then 4 and now 5, has what it takes to make it though the future difficulties that will inevitably come our way. Our family is strong.

We have an amazing network of friends and family who love and support us. It's an incredibly comforting thing to experience friends and family rallying to help when life gets tough. The strength of our family feels steel reinforced by all the people who have babysat, brought food, run errands, called to check in and kept us in their thoughts since I've been on bed rest.

And sitting here with the comforting understanding that our family is strong and our friends and family make us even stronger, I am finding peace amid the chaos and discomfort. When things in my life get unnervingly unpredictable I tend to grab on tighter to the small things I can control. After Katrina I did it. After the twins came home from the hospital I did it. And this time I'm trying to take things a bit lighter. The big important things are getting done. Most everything else will get done eventually. Or not. I'm learning to be content with what is, to be a source of calm rather than anxious energy. I figure I might as well work on some personal growth while I'm stuck in this chair all this time.

It's easy to dwell on the negative. My kids are sad and frustrated because I'm not available in all the ways they'd like. I can't play with or feed or bathe or dress them. I'm getting more uncomfortable by the day. The longer I lay here the less my body wants to perform it's everyday functions efficiently. And although he won't admit it I know my husband is tired and stressed and starting to drag under the weight and responsibility of managing a home and a restaurant. It sometimes feels like there's nothing I can do to help him and that's hard to deal with.

But despite all that I sit can sit here and smile, comforted by the fact that our family has weathered worse, that we are deeply loved by our friends and family and that through this process I am growing more content in my heart and soul.


Anonymous said...

Beautifully said!


Anonymous said...

Di - You rock...and Big Dogg is pretty awesome too. We love you guys

Greywolfe ;)

Orit said...

We do too!

David and Anne